


This is How It Feels to Take a Fall

by jolymusichetta



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, Femme!Niff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Child Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Substance Abuse, Underage Substance Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-29
Packaged: 2018-02-06 16:29:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1864632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jolymusichetta/pseuds/jolymusichetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jenna Sterling and Natalia Duval. Two sides of the same coin. </p><p>Unfortunately, both their sides are battered and bruised, showing their years and time spent going through hell. </p><p>Well, as the quote goes, <em>"If you're going through hell, keep going."</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	This is How It Feels to Take a Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by the wonderful [Aaron](http://archiveofourown.org/users/EphemeralScherzo/works) (Even if he doesn't know it yet.)
> 
> My fancasts for Jenna and Natalia are [Gage Golightly](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m94seeRzY81rsvwcd.gif) and [Adelaide Kane](http://media.tumblr.com/70b9293e3c60dc645ab9fe50543067bc/tumblr_inline_mrsry99njQ1qz4rgp.gif), respectively.

There are some marks worn like medals of honor. Some scars from veterans of war who wear them to show that they did their time and served their country. Other marks are used to tell stories, birthmarks and scars where stitches had been, serving as a little conversation starter. Other marks are hidden away, not meant for any eyes to see. Marks from self-harmers and drug users, with scars and track marks going up their arms and making some people so uncomfortable that those people, the ones with the scars and marks, never felt comfortable in their own skin.

* * *

Jenna Sterling woke up at approximately 7:32 in the morning, according to her phone, but she didn't know where she was or what she had done the night before. Shit, she was just grateful her phone was still on, though it was on by just a little, dropping every minute. She figured she had better make her call quickly, before it died. She hit speed dial number 1, Natalia, her best friend's, number, and waited.

"What the fuck, Jenna?" Natalia asked before Jenna could even so much as say _'Hi_.' "Where the fuck are you?"

Jenna grimaced at that, looking around the empty apartment she was in, the walls trashed and her clothes off and holy shit, why were her clothes off. "An apartment. Not sure where. I just woke up."

Natalia sighed. "Alright ... tell me what street you're on. I'll come get you. And you owe me for covering for you during dorm checks." Actually, she owed Danielle for covering for her when the RA did the rounds the night before but Jenna didn't need to know that and Danielle swore she would never help out again after Jenna's last stunt during Warblers practice, but everyone loved Jenna and they all knew she was there on scholarship. She only had a few more strikes before they got tired of her failing classes and decided her scholarship money would be better spent on some other girl.

Jenna did as she was told but got dressed quickly, but silently. She did not want Nat hearing her get dressed because that would spark a whole flurry of things that she just did not want to deal with right now. She didn't bother with her shoes, just grabbed them by the backs, looked around the apartment that was, in this room, devoid of any bodies, and went out, feeling horrible. She told Nat the street she was on "Hawthorne," and waited, sitting on the curb.

As she sat and waited for Natalia, who had been out the door the second she heard where Jenna was, she noticed on her arm were track marks, purple and fresh, ones that hadn't been there before. It all came rushing back to her and she dropped her head into her hands. 

Fuck.

Natalia was going to kill her.

In addition to being her best friend and occasional fuck buddy, Natalia was also Jenna's keeper, as Nat would say and Jenna would protest to. Natalia was older than Jenna by three months, one week and two days and she used it as leverage, since she couldn't go to Jenna's parents about their daughter shooting up more frequently than not. So they came to a deal. Jenna wouldn't use and would come to Nat if the urge struck and Nat would do the same if she felt the need to self-harm. (It wasn't something Natalia liked talking about, even if they did have a deal. Jenna made a point not to bring it up unless necessary.) And the deal was that if either of them broke the agreement, they'd have to go to a therapy session with the guidance counselor at Dalton, who was nearly universally hated but good at his job, so they kept him.

Jenna hated him more than anybody, mostly because he reminded her of her uncle and her father, both of whom were gigantic assholes, so she generally tried to avoid him and, well ... 

What Nat didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

She pulled on the jacket she had worn out last night, covered in grass stains and ripping from the times she fucked up when skateboarding, covering her arms with ease. She had never felt more ashamed of herself in her life. She had been clean for almost three months and she ruined that at a stupid party. She couldn't even remember why she did it. 

No ... no, wait, that was a lie. She did remember. Some random asswipe or four fucking got her into bed, even though she said she'd rather pass and they just got her drunk until she didn't fight them on it anymore and after that, she just wanted to feel good.

So she shot up. Which was even worse than saying she didn't know because now, if Nat asked, she was going to make her get a rape kit at the hospital. 

Again.

Natalia really did care though, and that's why she was such an amazing friend. Jenna would be an amazing friend too if Nat needed it. She just hoped she didn't. Because Nat had been stronger than Jenna had. She hadn't relapsed in ages. And she worked so hard to stop, to not rely on the feeling of razor slicing skin that it would be a shame to throw it all away.

Jenna, on the other hand, was shit anyway. It would be a surprise to no one if she relapsed. Everyone knew why she wore long sleeves year round and why she only went to parties every so often, when they all knew that she loved to party and dance and get wasted.

They all knew that she was the product of child abuse and negligence and being in a fucking orphanage for seventeen years. She could see it on their faces.

And what's worse is that you get the girls who make sure that Jenna knew no one wanted her when she was a kid and that they didn't now.

Well, jokes on them. She already knew that.


End file.
